It was never going to work from the start. I did the right thing letting you go.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
Friday 15 January 2010
Lack Of Inspiration
I think I've just lost all sanity once again. ¬¬
Not only was the IUD the single most horrendous experience of my life, I think it's completely killed my fire too. o.O
I'm finding myself building up with some sort of creativity or craving for it in my mind, but there is nothing to inspire it. I'm thinking of something to do with music but where I don't have a keyboard nor any musical instrument in my house for that matter, I don't have much to work with. I can't play guitar so I can't even use His guitar to strum a few things and drums don't have a "key" as such. Wow, how much was I bullshitting when I told Rob that drumming could open a whole new world of music to me when actually it's just brought me to a complete freakin' stop. ¬¬
Rather wishing I had my keyboard right now.
Poetry also, or song writing, once again is stifled due to lack of musical instruments. And yes, although myself and Him have written a song, he doesn't hear what I hear in my head and nor can I convey to him what I'm trying to achieve as his taste in music is rather different, even though a similar genre, still different in many aspects.
On top of that, Marsai and Diane are looking to make another appearance in my life again. For those who don't know, you don't want to know! Trust me! It's just bad news all round.
And then there's all this damned shite going on with other certain people. I haven't spoken to her for over a year and all of a sudden it's all just clicked that she was behind everything from the bloody start. Even my mum said that her DAD could have been involved in it also! I mean, what the fuck! Seriously! As we get older we're supposed to be more mature but he seems to be stuck in his secondary school ball sack stage? What a cock. I'll make sure I see them both put away. c!#ts
Anyway, everything else is trundling along pretty fine. I think His parents may be getting a bit peeved at me though. Last night there was an arguement cos they thought I'd gone home and actually I was still here. Felt really bad. Think I may be spending too much time to an extent I should practically be paying rent! >.< I'm not normally one to take advantage of situations unless I have no idea who the other people are involved, in which case I wouldn't give a damn hahahaha! But no, I know these people and have much respect for them after what they've already done for me so no, I refuse to take advantage on any situation.
I've also applied on UCAS. My god. I had to PAY to APPLY?!?!?!?!? WTF!!!! The government are concerned that not enough people are going on to further education and such and are giving out grants and whatever they can and yet charge for you to APPLY for the course WHEN YOU MAY NOT EVEN GET IT!!! Now I see where the full circle comes in. ¬¬ Going to be taken round the Uni at some point, private tour, woop woop! See if I like it, although I don't think it's a case of not liking the course, it's a case of whether I can do it or not as writing the damn thing is not a strong point of mine. >.< YES I know that I can write essays of SHIT but not anything that actually freaking matters. When I try and think about my work and what I'm doing, my mind just completely goes into over drive, thinks way too much and then over complicates it for me and I cant think what I'm damn well writing!!!! Yet if I spoke to my tutor bout it, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing. What a load of shite. ¬¬
Lame.
Joys of being mentally unstable.
Pleasant Screams.
Not only was the IUD the single most horrendous experience of my life, I think it's completely killed my fire too. o.O
I'm finding myself building up with some sort of creativity or craving for it in my mind, but there is nothing to inspire it. I'm thinking of something to do with music but where I don't have a keyboard nor any musical instrument in my house for that matter, I don't have much to work with. I can't play guitar so I can't even use His guitar to strum a few things and drums don't have a "key" as such. Wow, how much was I bullshitting when I told Rob that drumming could open a whole new world of music to me when actually it's just brought me to a complete freakin' stop. ¬¬
Rather wishing I had my keyboard right now.
Poetry also, or song writing, once again is stifled due to lack of musical instruments. And yes, although myself and Him have written a song, he doesn't hear what I hear in my head and nor can I convey to him what I'm trying to achieve as his taste in music is rather different, even though a similar genre, still different in many aspects.
On top of that, Marsai and Diane are looking to make another appearance in my life again. For those who don't know, you don't want to know! Trust me! It's just bad news all round.
And then there's all this damned shite going on with other certain people. I haven't spoken to her for over a year and all of a sudden it's all just clicked that she was behind everything from the bloody start. Even my mum said that her DAD could have been involved in it also! I mean, what the fuck! Seriously! As we get older we're supposed to be more mature but he seems to be stuck in his secondary school ball sack stage? What a cock. I'll make sure I see them both put away. c!#ts
Anyway, everything else is trundling along pretty fine. I think His parents may be getting a bit peeved at me though. Last night there was an arguement cos they thought I'd gone home and actually I was still here. Felt really bad. Think I may be spending too much time to an extent I should practically be paying rent! >.< I'm not normally one to take advantage of situations unless I have no idea who the other people are involved, in which case I wouldn't give a damn hahahaha! But no, I know these people and have much respect for them after what they've already done for me so no, I refuse to take advantage on any situation.
I've also applied on UCAS. My god. I had to PAY to APPLY?!?!?!?!? WTF!!!! The government are concerned that not enough people are going on to further education and such and are giving out grants and whatever they can and yet charge for you to APPLY for the course WHEN YOU MAY NOT EVEN GET IT!!! Now I see where the full circle comes in. ¬¬ Going to be taken round the Uni at some point, private tour, woop woop! See if I like it, although I don't think it's a case of not liking the course, it's a case of whether I can do it or not as writing the damn thing is not a strong point of mine. >.< YES I know that I can write essays of SHIT but not anything that actually freaking matters. When I try and think about my work and what I'm doing, my mind just completely goes into over drive, thinks way too much and then over complicates it for me and I cant think what I'm damn well writing!!!! Yet if I spoke to my tutor bout it, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing. What a load of shite. ¬¬
Lame.
Joys of being mentally unstable.
Pleasant Screams.
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