Nothing seems to excite me anymore. Work has become dull and now just a chore and not even the single bit of pleasure. The fact that the management is so shockingly CRAP just adds to it. If I want anything done, I have to do it myself. Even my NVQ that requires evidence, no good asking them. I must get it myself.
This boredom of life is only temporary though. I don't want to plan for any more film shoots as 1. I don't have the money and 2. I'm going to Philippines in two weeks. So filming anything now will just stump my creativity as when it comes to editing, I'll be in full flow and then have to leave it for 3 weeks and I dare not interfere with my own creative flow. Once it starts, I'm not going to stifle it.
Even the relationship has become somewhat duller. Not by any fault of our own though. We just don't have the money to go out and do the things we want to do due to Philippines. No doubt that we won't be short of excitement once we get there. It's just a matter of killing time. I'm a little bit concerned for when we come back though. I have officially seen him every single day this year and now we're going on our first holiday together, well with family, but the weekend after we get back, he's away in london and I won't see him for 3 days. I'm slightly concerned that I'm going to become mentally, emotionally and physically too attached to him and will possibly be texting him all the time, wanting to know where he is, what he's doing etc. And I can already imagine that the scars will reopen and some trust issues may arise. The simple case of "I trust you, I just don't trust anyone else". Or is it? I don't know. I'll come to that hurdle later and deal with it then, something might happen between now and then.
I also miss my drumming!! My musical creativity has become stumped due to not having anything to play!!!! I want to write music/lyrics to something but what can you do with it after? Nothing! Western Sand have a song that has a few lyrics I wrote which, I was rather proud about. But I don't think they've recorded it for their new album.
Friendships seem to have deteriated. My ex-best mate has become so distant to me that I'm not really caring if I never see her again. I miss my Godson and feel sad that I'm missing the age in his life where his smiles are their most cutest and other such things. But that's not my fault if the mother won't let me see him ¬¬ In which case, just encourages me not to damn well care at all. I won't waste my time. She used to keep telling me "you can't just throw away 10 years of our friendship away". And now I'm trying to make the effort, she doesn't want to know. So fine.
On the other hand, I have been chatting more to my dearest Wife, Meggy Moo which has uplifted me and become a rather highlighted event in my currently dull being. Although it also brings sadness knowing that this time is shortlived as she's due to move to London in some point during the year for uni.
I really need to start doing something with my life. I feel so dull and dismal and depressed that nothing is moving forward. And one thing I am wishing for, is for the band to get somewhere. And I'm hoping they'd let me come with them. I wish I could be part of it, even in the background making this documentary would be enough for me. I just want to be doing something exciting that can be sometimes unpredictable, fun and involves travelling.
I don't know. I guess I don't really know what I want. But I know that I haven't got it at the moment.
LIFE IS BORING ME!!!! ¬¬
This boredom of life is only temporary though. I don't want to plan for any more film shoots as 1. I don't have the money and 2. I'm going to Philippines in two weeks. So filming anything now will just stump my creativity as when it comes to editing, I'll be in full flow and then have to leave it for 3 weeks and I dare not interfere with my own creative flow. Once it starts, I'm not going to stifle it.
Even the relationship has become somewhat duller. Not by any fault of our own though. We just don't have the money to go out and do the things we want to do due to Philippines. No doubt that we won't be short of excitement once we get there. It's just a matter of killing time. I'm a little bit concerned for when we come back though. I have officially seen him every single day this year and now we're going on our first holiday together, well with family, but the weekend after we get back, he's away in london and I won't see him for 3 days. I'm slightly concerned that I'm going to become mentally, emotionally and physically too attached to him and will possibly be texting him all the time, wanting to know where he is, what he's doing etc. And I can already imagine that the scars will reopen and some trust issues may arise. The simple case of "I trust you, I just don't trust anyone else". Or is it? I don't know. I'll come to that hurdle later and deal with it then, something might happen between now and then.
I also miss my drumming!! My musical creativity has become stumped due to not having anything to play!!!! I want to write music/lyrics to something but what can you do with it after? Nothing! Western Sand have a song that has a few lyrics I wrote which, I was rather proud about. But I don't think they've recorded it for their new album.
Friendships seem to have deteriated. My ex-best mate has become so distant to me that I'm not really caring if I never see her again. I miss my Godson and feel sad that I'm missing the age in his life where his smiles are their most cutest and other such things. But that's not my fault if the mother won't let me see him ¬¬ In which case, just encourages me not to damn well care at all. I won't waste my time. She used to keep telling me "you can't just throw away 10 years of our friendship away". And now I'm trying to make the effort, she doesn't want to know. So fine.
On the other hand, I have been chatting more to my dearest Wife, Meggy Moo which has uplifted me and become a rather highlighted event in my currently dull being. Although it also brings sadness knowing that this time is shortlived as she's due to move to London in some point during the year for uni.
I really need to start doing something with my life. I feel so dull and dismal and depressed that nothing is moving forward. And one thing I am wishing for, is for the band to get somewhere. And I'm hoping they'd let me come with them. I wish I could be part of it, even in the background making this documentary would be enough for me. I just want to be doing something exciting that can be sometimes unpredictable, fun and involves travelling.
I don't know. I guess I don't really know what I want. But I know that I haven't got it at the moment.
LIFE IS BORING ME!!!! ¬¬
