And Once Again - It Happens

Girl likes boy.
Boy likes girl.

Lets get together and see what happens!

That happens. . .

Ok, not quite sure what to do. He needs to sort out his head, he's got too much going through his mind right now. Ok, I can do that. I'll wait.

Next time I see him. Things happen again. We all got drunk. I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. I'd thought things were going to be ok. I thought things might actually get better seeing as the feelings were still there and somewhat strong as far as I knew. I thought we would actually give it a shot.

I'm wrong . . . again.

And I don't know how to feel.

I know he wouldn't use me! I know he wouldn't do anything if he didn't have any feelings for me!

But I understand the fact that he may have a little too much on his mind right now for a relatioship.

But I still feel so broken, I made the move to go for it. I trusted my heart and it hurts just that little bit more to know that it was a waste. Well not exactly a waste but its not like anything is going to happen anymore.

So I made a wrong move. So now I carry on and continue and try to make things right.

There's just one thing I'm pissed off about.

So a stranger starts talking to me. Is polite and gentle in approach. So I am polite in response! Get to know him, I start to be myself with my happy and bubbly attitude and the guy thinks I'm flirting with him and like him!!!! WHY!!! I'm just being myself!! Am I not allowed to laugh and smile without giving the wrong impression?! Christ sake!! Or is there no such thing anymore as a nice and chatty girl without classing it as flirting!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! If thats what you class as flirting then your gonna be bowled over when I actually do flirt!!!

Stupid fuckers thinking I'm that desperate. NO! FUCK OFF!

Just One More Day

I can't give you the words that describe how I feel.

I feel like all my emotions are suspended in mid air, not knowing whether to fall or fly.

I'm back under the surface of the sea, walking along the bottom, occasionally looking up at the sun reflecting off the water surface and I wonder - will the light ever reach my face and warm my soul?

The bottom of this ocean is peaceful.

Strange how when at total peace, anyone can look like an angel.

I picture myself, a perfect body, a perfect face, mysterious purple eyes, a flowing dress that moves with me under this ocean. I picture myself as this - and I know that its no longer me.

Where am I going now? I do not know, I cannot tell. If only I was some kind of bionic person that could live underwater, I would be down there for days.


This is a new love for me. I love you as my best friend but also as more than that too. And I've never had these two feelings for the same person before. I don't know what to say. . .

I don't even know if I should tell you . . .

Maybe this time its my turn to bolt . . .

Don't Say I Love You

I know you don't mean any harm. But please, don't say it. All your doing is hurting me.

Others have said exactly what you're saying. They said I was their everything. They said they would die without me. They said "I love you". Now I am nothing to them. They're perfectly fine without me. And those three words do nothing but cause a pain in my chest. Maybe it was just my bad luck that I didn't meet you first. And maybe your bad luck that your the last.

I've had enough of being told I am so much when I'm not. I've had enough of trusting someone with my heart, only to have it smashed into pieces. I don't want to do it again.

I'm taking it slow. I'm doing what I want to do. I'm making myself happy first.

Don't tell me you love me.
You only make me hurt.

I never thought I'd see the day when the three most amazing words in the world . . . are the ones that hurt the most. Now I understand when they say love hurts.

Life Is Getting Better

It's been over a month now since me and Jonny split.

How am I?

I'm fucking fabulous!!

My job is freaking awesome for the sheer fact that my manager and his wife kick ass and I get along with everyone really well! Last night was damn right awesome! I got called in cos the new guy was sick and the whole night I covered pretty much on my own! Tom admitted that he'd been a right twat cos I'd been called in to cover and he was sat on his arse round the corner drinking with his mates the whole night but I didn't mind. Its good experience and I feel I coped well! At the end of the night he poured me a pint and I sat down with em and had a good laugh! Spent couple of hours jokin around and singing karaoke! Was so funny! Had about 3 pints and good lord, it is NOT fun cycling home pissed!!

The only thing bothering me is the fact that Jonny is being difficult with me. I wanna go over to get my stuff and then just get out. Jonny is saying that he's burnt my stuff or whatever. I don't understand why he's being such a prick about it all. But if he has burnt my stuff then there will be fucking trouble! I will nut the bastard, I don't care!! If he wants to be a selfish and difficult cunt about it all then fine with me!! I can be a right bitch too!!

Oh my god that Dan guy at work is so cute!!! It's like staring at a luxurious chocolate all day that I can't have. How freaking gay! Though Emma said that him and me would get on very well! He has a girlfriend but apparently he doesn't seem to care! So maybe there's a chance for me to step in! Who knows! Although Jason did tell me not to get involved with people from work incase it all goes tits up but I don't see him that much anyway as he works in the kitchen and I'm out on the bar. Hmm, just see how things go I think!

Ar I need sleep! But I can't sleep in the day which sucks ass but what can ya do!

So there it is! My life is getting better and I'm loving it!

I'm starting to realise that Jonny is nothing but a alcoholic living off benfits. He has no experience, no will power to even want a job, what's he gonna do when the benfits stop? He can't live off his parents forever. So he's gonna be a bum all his life. I'm glad I'm not there anymore. I'm starting the gym soon with Jamie. I have great friends without that prick bringing my down. He's a cocky bastard and thinks he's the next best thing. Fucking aint though. I can do better than him by a long shot.

Anyway yes I think thats enough of my rambellings! I could go on forever talking bout crap lol!!