Life Right Now Is Not My Best Friend

I would like to start off with a dedication to a close friend.

RIP Nobby Stone.

We shall never forget you.


Ok, can't linger on it because I will just break down. Well, where to start.
I am currently sat in class at Uni. Yes I got into my second year and so far it's been anything but boring. The first project was so boundless and yet so confusing that we were left with little or nothing to do. The second project, they're putting us in groups so we don't get to chose. I swear, if I have to work alone then I will.

Secondly, I wanted to go to Pandemonia this month. With a week to go, Nathan tells me he can't go because he has a gig. If he can't go, I can't go because unless I get somewhere to stay, I can't get there and back as it's all the way in Portsmouth. Now the band that Nathan is playing CAN play without him. It's not ideal, but they can do it and pull it off. But he wants to go because he likes the venue. ONCE AGAIN I have to put myself aside for him and his band. And then he gets annoyed because I'd been upset about it all day and today. Well why the fuck shouldn't I be?! I've been looking forward to this, planning and preparing for the two months since the last one and now one week to go you tell me you have a gig that you forgot about. Fuck you. And then I put on Facebook status if anyone is going out that night in town, I want to go out and socialise seeing as I can't do it at Pandemonia. And low and behold, Nathan's mum comments saying about the gig! That's what I should do this weekend! NO! FUCK OFF! I don't want to go to another fucking gig especially for a band that despite the amount of their gigs I've been to, far more than any one else other than Jess, neither of us get a fucking mention or a thanks for being there while they're on mic. However, one girl turns up with her friends and the entire fucking gig was basically dedicated to her. Fuck right off. If you don't appreciate me being there, I'm not gonna fucking waste my time. Anyway, I then go to Nathans and his mum approaches me telling me to bring all my friends to the gig as it's in the same town and that I have to go to keep her company. No. I'm not going just to keep you happy and keep you from looking a loner. I want to go out and do something to make me happy and where I can have fun. I get so fucking bored at the gigs because Nathan is actually on stage, he hardly talks to me cos he's either talking to the band or the friends and fans that have attended. I'm not condemning that, that's what he should be doing. But I don't see why I can't go out and do something else every once in a while.

I'm fed up of putting other people in front of me, I'm so miserable right now and fed up of this routine that once again, I have sunk into and it's eating me up. I can't til I get paid so I can afford my own things and do something on my own without relying on other people.

Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I'm even alive.

Totally Amazing!

How often can you say that you know how it feels to be completely comfortable with someone?

I've just spent two amazing days at His place. We spent majority of the time cuddled up, talking, laughing, singing, making strange noises!

Any other time I do this, people look at me as though I'm a stupid fool being immature. But with Him, he joins in and we both laugh! He laughs with me! We are both as random and spontaneous as each other. And I thought it was really strange but funny when we discovered that he was born on the first day of Aquarius and I was born on the last day!

Well this is new!

Ok so it's been a while. Infact more than a while o.O

I don't work at the pub anymore, I work in a store. Better money, good job and close to home. I'm studying Digital Media Production at the AUCB. Just finished my first year, that's going well! Have yet to find out if I've made it into second =/

I'm still with Nathan. Not surprising really. I've had doubts sometimes, not about whether he's the one but about things getting boring. Ok, so not doubts so much as worries! But low and behold, things haven't become anywhere near boring. On the 30th, we're going to Pandemonia. A fetish club in Portsmouth. He's my sub and I got him a lead and collar just for it ^_^ I've also ended up with another sub =/ not quite sure how to deal with her. So I've bought myself a book on good girl female dominance. Better than nothing! Everyone seems to think I live in these kind of places. Don't know how they got that idea . . .

Anyway I spend alot of my time now playing games so . . . I'm a go do that and stay out of trouble!! ^_^