Life Right Now Is Not My Best Friend

I would like to start off with a dedication to a close friend.

RIP Nobby Stone.

We shall never forget you.


Ok, can't linger on it because I will just break down. Well, where to start.
I am currently sat in class at Uni. Yes I got into my second year and so far it's been anything but boring. The first project was so boundless and yet so confusing that we were left with little or nothing to do. The second project, they're putting us in groups so we don't get to chose. I swear, if I have to work alone then I will.

Secondly, I wanted to go to Pandemonia this month. With a week to go, Nathan tells me he can't go because he has a gig. If he can't go, I can't go because unless I get somewhere to stay, I can't get there and back as it's all the way in Portsmouth. Now the band that Nathan is playing CAN play without him. It's not ideal, but they can do it and pull it off. But he wants to go because he likes the venue. ONCE AGAIN I have to put myself aside for him and his band. And then he gets annoyed because I'd been upset about it all day and today. Well why the fuck shouldn't I be?! I've been looking forward to this, planning and preparing for the two months since the last one and now one week to go you tell me you have a gig that you forgot about. Fuck you. And then I put on Facebook status if anyone is going out that night in town, I want to go out and socialise seeing as I can't do it at Pandemonia. And low and behold, Nathan's mum comments saying about the gig! That's what I should do this weekend! NO! FUCK OFF! I don't want to go to another fucking gig especially for a band that despite the amount of their gigs I've been to, far more than any one else other than Jess, neither of us get a fucking mention or a thanks for being there while they're on mic. However, one girl turns up with her friends and the entire fucking gig was basically dedicated to her. Fuck right off. If you don't appreciate me being there, I'm not gonna fucking waste my time. Anyway, I then go to Nathans and his mum approaches me telling me to bring all my friends to the gig as it's in the same town and that I have to go to keep her company. No. I'm not going just to keep you happy and keep you from looking a loner. I want to go out and do something to make me happy and where I can have fun. I get so fucking bored at the gigs because Nathan is actually on stage, he hardly talks to me cos he's either talking to the band or the friends and fans that have attended. I'm not condemning that, that's what he should be doing. But I don't see why I can't go out and do something else every once in a while.

I'm fed up of putting other people in front of me, I'm so miserable right now and fed up of this routine that once again, I have sunk into and it's eating me up. I can't til I get paid so I can afford my own things and do something on my own without relying on other people.

Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I'm even alive.