Black Thorn, Dammit I Want Black Thorn!

I wish my damn chair would stop rolling around the floor so I could actually type something!

Oh look at that it did!

Work is becoming harder. Not for the work load itself but for the sheer fact that I am shoved in different places and I'm never in one place for the whole day. Especially today. Today really wound me up. At first I'm with butterflies, then caterpillers, then butterflies. You get the point I imagine. The whole FUCKING DAY I was being switched between the two!
Also my hours are being changed at work over the easter holidays. I will be working from 8am til 6pm. A ten hour shift instead of my normal 8 hour shift! And I don't even get paid extra. However I do get a day off! so techinically I'm only working 3 days! I'm unsure about the week after next, whether I have the friday off or not. I hope I fucking do!

I miss Jonny

This week has been really slow. A typical result from a good weekend. What I would do just for a can of blackthorn! God love its holiness! I just heard on the news that a bus full of children and teachers and his demand was an ice cream cart for the kids! This is in philippines by the way. The guy was just making a stand for better education and equipment for the children. Bless him!

JONNY!

God dammit I need him.

OH! Here's something to chat about!
GRAHAM thinks I kept his daughter! I have not laughed so hard since the weekend! (lets face it, something about an ex is not going to be bigger than being loved by my spouse!) He sent me a txt asking how far gone I was when I lost her. I didn't reply. He then text me few hours later, demanding an answer "or are you hiding a deeper secret like the fact that you kept her"... WHAT THE HELL!?!?! I don't have a daughter! As far as I know, she's dead! I'm fed up of him trying to use her as an excuse just to keep in touch with me! He hasn't gotten over her nor me and still has his sights set on me. He's set his standards way too high, even I know for a fact that I am aeons out of his league! And I'm not being big headed, I really am that far out from him! He is a pathetic excuse for a human being, let alone a man! But not to worry, I am soon to have a new number as I'm getting my phone unlocked and switching networks (so I can talk to my baby more!) I can't wait to get rid of that annoying little fly. His only link with me is my daughter but I'm not going to let him use that chain round her neck to try and tackle me. If I ever have the unfortunate luck of seeing him in Southampton, results may vary depending on my mood at the time. The worst result would be to paralyse him for life. Slipped disk, broken back, something along those lines.

Anyway, thats enough for me. I need to go take a shower and have a nice long sleep! I am shattered, moody, missing my baby terribly, in need of his cuddles and kisses and not looking forward to work tomoro! Especially not college. I feel I may have failed!

OH! One more thing. I may be trying for X factor. Yes I know, me of all people. The one person who didn't want to become famous. Well, I'm not going to become famous. I will try the first round, if I get through - I quit. If I don't, I have to quit. No choice really but I don't want to go through anyway. I just want to see if I could do it. I don't want to be famous. If I'm to be famous, I want to be famous for not giving a damn what the paperazzi and other celebrities think of me, I'm not obsessed with how I look, don't care what I do and if other people don't like it, not fussed what I wear, not afraid to look natural WITHOUT MAKE UP (stupid bitches), I want to be famous for being the one who taught the ten year old girls every where in the world that beauty begins inside, looks only make you a plastecine doll, not a real person! Gosh the things I could do! Have a right old banter at all the celebrities for being stupid twats. And just so you know, I'm not talking about ALL IN GENERAL CELEBRITIES like bands, presenters etc. I'm talking about the A LIST CELEBS whatever the fuck that stands for. Its like a whole new range of upper class, middle and lower!

FUCK SOCIETY AND ITS OBSESSION WITH IDEALISTIC BEAUTY!

Gotta love Foamy!

Pleasant Screams...

A Tale Of Happiness - Finally

The past weekend has been incredible to say the least! Allow me to explain.

I spent the weekend round my boyfriends, Jonny. Friday night, him, me and Tom got drunk on Cider (God love Black Thorn!) and we began walking around town. Now I must admit I was slightly nervous that Jonny would start making fun of me and having a go at me like he had done recently. However! The complete opposite happened! He was just like he was when we started going out; all over me, telling me how beautiful I am etc how much he loves, needs me, wants me and we were really having a good time! Despite the high positives I was receiving from him, I was still a little worried that this would all disappear by the time we got home. I was wrong! It got better! Not only was the sex amazing but we spent the time afterwards, cuddled up together talking and joking and laughing and basically opening up to each other! I felt closer to him than I had ever felt! It all happened again the next day but without Tom this time as he'd just received his PS3, lucky sod. And despite eating a chip that tasted like cat shit and made me throw up, my heart was still on a high and by the end of the night, I was the happiest I had ever been!
Basically - I'm in total love and the chances of us EVER splitting up are IMPOSSIBLE!... Well, I like to think so anyway.

Another small note before I end this post of absolute adoration and love for a certain someone - I can't find a damn layout for this blog that actually fucking works! If anyone knows what I should do or where to go then please, let me know!

Pleasant Screams!

For The First Of Many - Its Not The Best

As a first post, this is not going to be the best.

Lets start with the one whose currently bugging me the most. Jonny.
He went to a concert last night. One which I was hoping to attend too but couldn't due to work. Last time he went to a concert, he got me a little bracelet. This time, he went with £60, got himself two shirts and me nothing. Considering that I actually wanted to go to this concert, you would've thought he'd at least get me a little something would you not? And for those who dont know, I'm his girlfriend.
At the moment I really don't want to hear about it, about how good it was and stuff. I already feel shit for not going. I have not even been to a concert yet so that one would've been my first. On top of that, it was our 5 month anniversary. Now I know some people are not fussed with these small things but I myself am to an extent where I will say "happy # anniversary" and a response saying "you too babe" if what I usually get. However this time I didn't even get a txt back let alone a response. I feel somewhat alone in this relationship. Like I am the only one who gives a shit about it. For example, Jonny txt me today sayin he missed me, he hadn't said it for quite some time! I was beginning to wonder if he actually remembered me.
Now I know that in some aspects, I am over reacting and really should get over myself and shouldn't be such high maintenence. But I can't help how I feel. On top of that having a mountain of insecurities to deal with every day has to take some tol on me.

Next issue. Friends.
Now I know someone who may read this and will know who I'm on about. Last weekend, I went to Jonny's after college and hung out with him, Tom and Callum. While Jonny and Tom were outside chatting away, Callum decided to be really nice to me and start asking how I was and that the reason he came over to Jonny's was in hope to see me as we hadn't seen each other for over a month. He then informed me that he spotted Graham in west quay and was going to kill the bastard however lost him in the crowd. I am unsure whether to believe him or not. Regardless of that, I still encouraged him to actually kill the cunt if he were to spot him again (due to recent events that I will not talk of). Anyway, I am unsure of how to deal with Callums recent change in heart towards me, seeing as he used to rip shit out of me. Now he's being all nice and sweet. Even told me that I had gotten a tan since and that he couldn't wait to see me in summer with my full blown colour change as I looked hotter when coloured....see how I'm worried here?
Next On The List!
Jess.
Now, here is someone who I have known for just over 8 years. Some people will admire me for this if they know her. Or even met her for that matter. Anyway, we have been good mates (I will not say best mate) for a long time. But all through this time, she has asked for advice which I have given. However she hasn't taken any of it and comes crying to me for help wondering why it all went wrong. Lately, she asked if I could give her a lift to her ex's. JUST A LIFT! What am I, a bloody taxi? The reason she believes I will say yes is because I gave her a lift to his ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! Just so I could bloody see her before she spent the day with him! Now you can't say I didn't try. Thing is that I had already planned something for my birthday with her seeing as I hadn't spoken to her in quite a while. She fobbed me off for this bloke. On my 19th. I spent the day alone til I thought, fuck it, and went to Jonny's where I got some birthday sex! Anyway, she hasn't even gotten me anything for my birthday. My best mate (Biggs, bless you) hasn't gotten me anything due to the fact she has no job and no money BUT she still manages to get me a card AND writes me a letter! A LETTER! For those of you who don't know me, I love letters. They are something for me to keep and re-read when I'm feeling lonely. And it does help! SO! Yes my apparent "good mate" doesn't really appreciate my friendship therefor I will not be so available for her no more. I refuse to give any more advice seeing as she thinks she knows better. I will not be a bloody taxi for her (despite the fact it was just one occasion). Better luck next time Jess.

Next Topic - College and Work.
Quick info for those not in the know, I work in a day nursery with 0 - 5 year olds. However I am only an apprentice and attend Pool college every friday.
SO! I finish end of April, however I don't officially finish til June but I'll stop attending college at the end of April. I still have one more assignment to do and 7 technical units. I have been attending nearly a year and the college has only just decided to give us the notes that the class have been asking for ever since we started. No questions there then why I haven't handed in any units.

That just about does my dragging on for today. Now I must go and do some college work ready for tomoro. As well as email a cousin before I totally forget! Long Live The Weekend - Magners To The Extreme. 3 Litres should about do it for me.

Life Would Be Good If I Wasn't So Bad At It