Settling In

It's been 5 days since I moved in with Jonny.

At first things were great. I although it has been a bit back and forth to home, didn't quite realise just how much crap I had in my room. Yesterday was my mums birthday and of course, I wanted to be there. But also I was going to see a show at the pavillion with Amber. I had no idea what time it started or finished, all I knew was that I had to pick Amber at 6. I got back at 11 and the reception I got off Jonny was not good. Turned out he didn't like the time I had got back. What am I, a child? I thought I moved out so that I didn't have to worry what time I got back and things like that. He said it doesn't set a good example. Example to who?! I didn't ask. I tried to get as much sense out of him but he just wanted to go to sleep. And now in the morning he's still in a mood with me. I went out to look for a job but everyones looking for xmas temp staff. I want to talk to him but he's attitude towards me is just so awkward and its like he doesn't even want me here anymore. When I came back from going out I went straight upstairs and laid in bed. He was downstairs on the computer and came up ten minutes later and laid next to me facing the other way. He didn't say anything. I just looked at him. But nothing said and he just laid there. I asked why he came up, he said it was cos he was cold and tired. Shame, there's me thinking he wanted to come up and see me and talk to me. I guess I'm too stupid to realise that.

Right now I'm down stairs, typing this and listening and singing to Shakira. It's been half an hour I'm on my own here. I trained with my sai's for a while to the music but I just don't feel right. I wanna talk to him but he makes it so awkward. He just doesn't respond to whatever I say and I don't know what I should or shouldn't do. I know I don't want to escalate it but some of the things I want to say I know will only make things worse. But how else can I tell him? I can't bottle it up forever just because of how he'll react. I don't want to throw this away. I don't want to jepordise it. But what else can I do?

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do! I know we should talk! I know thts why the arguements before were so bad because we didn't talk! I don't want that to happen again! Not when I know what we've got to do to avoid it! But how can I do it if he isn't interested?

I don't even understand why he's in the mood with me! I never told him I wouldn't go to the show, I only said I wouldn't if I didn't have my car back by then. And I didn't know what time I'd get back or anything!

Fuck sake, why is this even happening? And why do I feel like the only one whose fucking caring about this situation!!!! Yet if I talk to him, we won't seem to care and I just feel like I'm wasting my time.

Should I really be here?
Or should I be home?

I don't know.