Should've Seen It Coming

30th Jan 08
11:08am

If I write this on my net blog, he'll complain about it. So I'll do it here.

I feel like he doesn't want me here anymore. Or that there is something he is hiding.

Everytime I go to hug him or ask for a hug he sighs, complains or groans about it. It makes me feel so unwanted. He does the same if I kiss him a number of times, it's like he gets fed up of it. He especially does it if I make a move even if it has nothing to do with sex, he still complains about it and it makes me feel like he doesn't want to know anymore. I don't know where I stand now. At first, I could take it as a joke, but now I can't help but think that he means it. And maybe he does, I don't know.

I admit I am trying to make out with him but only because it makes me feel closer to him, and even if there is no sex, just lots of passionate kissing, still shows me that he still loves me. And right now there's none of that and it makes me wonder if he even still finds me attractive at all. I don't want to have another arguement for him to show me how he feels. But we haven't been very close since that day and hadn't been since New Years. I don't want it to be a once a month thing. Thats why we had the arguement in the first place so I'm trying to avoid it happening again but how can I do that if he complains at every fucking move I make!!!!

I am fucking trying to make this work cos I do fucking love him to pieces but I can't carry on as though there's nothing wrong! All his complaining upsets me, makes me feel like I'm nothing, that I'm not special to him anymore.

Right now he's asleep, and I'm crying.

I really do want to talk to him about it! But I'm afraid of what he might say. And if he tells me to put more effort into it - how can I if your putting me down all the time!! It's kinda hard for me to keep my self esteem up when you huff and sigh just because I asked for a hug! And then you hide yourself away just because I mentioned your cock. I don't have a disease or anything.

Why are you doing this? I don't want to be pushed away.

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All the signs were there...