You Just Will Not Leave It Alone Will You

For once I wasn't worried about whether it was real or not. I figured that because of how old he is, he's not just after some fuck around. He'd be mature enough to want something more than something so damned meaningless. And I didn't even give it a second thought!!

Until today.

People at work were asking how my life was going and one even asked why I was quiet. I was quiet
I was quiet because I was thinking about tomorrow. I was really excited but I didn't want to show it. I was wondering about what might happen, what might be said. Like I always do. And I told them I was thinking about him. Obviously they then started asking questions. So I answered them. I told them that I thought he may be looking for something serious.

They all laughed at me.

Tom even said "at his age, if he's still single, he grab whatever he can get". That hurt.

Does that mean I'm easily impressed? Does that mean that my entire plan of taking things slow - has just gone out the window? Am I really that easy?

I don't want to think that he's only in it for fun. I don't want to think that he said those things because he thought I was easy because I'm younger. But after they all ripped shit out of me, saying I'd got it all wrong and that I was only fooling myself, I felt like shit. I still do. I'm near to tears just thinking about it. How they laughed in my face. How they all thought that this would go no where. It hurts.

I really want to ask him. Text him now and get an answer before I fall too deep into this. But I don't know if I should or just wait til I see him tomorrow and ask him face to face.

I can already see it. I go in half hour before he's due to arrive. Have my pint. And while I'm waiting, Tom will rip shit out of me. I won't be able to take it. I'll storm off out the back. Punch the table, then sit down to collect my thoughts and calm down. I will tell Rob tomorrow, if he wants just fun then to walk away now and never look back. But if he thinks there could be something here, then to stay with me.

Why am I so afraid that he's going to walk away?

He can't just be meaning fun, he's told his family about me and they're really eager to meet me! You wouldn't tell your family if it didn't mean anything to you!

Would you?


For once in my life I had no insecurities about something!! But you had to go fuck it up.