Alot has happened over the past few weeks, Jonny and I may not be a couple by the end of this month, I may not complete my course, I may just lose all my sanity and go completely rogue! Killing spree anyone?
Ok with Jonny, went to the dungeon, everything was going well! We were all happy and chatting away. But then Jonny and I had a heart to heart and turns out he was having doubts about us. I was too. He asked me if we could still be friends if we split up. I said I'd try but I wouldn't see him or talk to him much. He then asked what if he found someone else. I said I'd have to block him out my life completely because seeing him with another girl would just break me into pieces. He said he still loves me, but just doesn't know if this will work. When we got home that night, he was crying at the thought of losing me but knew there was no point trying if it wasn't going to work. I understood that. But we talked and talked for hours and the fact that we had opened up was a big step in the right direction. The reason we were snappin at each other before was because we'd stopped talking. Now we'd started again, things were looking better. For the past two weeks we've been normal, had no arguements, gone out with friends, talked more openly. It's our 9 months on Saturday. We're going to a gig next wednesday and seeing The simpsons movie the next day. I just want him to realise that us to talk is all we need to make it work.
As for college. Been told I have til end of july. I've handed no units in. I just don't have the determination to do it anymore. I'm ashamed in myself for feeling this way but I can't help it and I can't seem to find a reason to do it anymore. My performance criteria is only half way done and I need another 3 assessments at least before I'll have completed it. But there's no way thats going to happen before the end of july. I guess thats why I don't want to do it anymore, because no matter if i do all the written work, I'll have failed because the performance isn't complete.
And truth is Carl, the reason I haven't been round is because I've been stuck at home, trying to find the determination to do my work. I refuse to stop looking for it but I've had no luck in finding it. I just wanna stay home and do my work! But I just can't. I think maybe I need to come round, chat with you, seeing as you've done the course already! Maybe you could help. But I'm so lost and so hopeless.
ON A GOOD NOTE!! *yes there is one* I called Courtney in Canada on Sunday night! She wasn't expecting me and didn't even know I had her number! Her dad answered, went to get her, came back asking who I was again because Courtney said SHE DIDNT KNOW ANYONE BY THE NAME OF KAYE!!!! you plonker. I spelt it out to her dad and he said it out loud and when Courtney heard the spelling THEN SHE REALISED WHO IT WAS!!! while all that time I thought I had the wrong number!! :D Spent bout half hour chatting away, our conversation was highly random, ranging from frozen monkeys that would participate in future experiments in about 2 million years from now, to cotton patterns in the cotton fields of alabama cos thats where anything comes from if you don't know the name of the real country! OH! And that an American show had to subtitle it when an English person spoke! CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN FCKING LANGUAGE?!?!?!? Retards. AHA!
Anywho, I'm off to work. Am working on the baby rooms display which is officially "my display" because I'm the only person doing anything with it! I love my job. Just gotta see how long it lasts now.
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