[[Don't tell me it stops here;;]]
Well, last weekend was a lot better than what it has been in the past. Tom didn't come round on Saturday, which was good because we got to spend some quality time together. I know I was round Sunday too but it was just good to have a weekend to ourselves for once. I don't hate Tom, he's great fun! But it's just nice to have a quiet weekend every once in a while. Jonny actually treated me like his girlfriend instead of just a close friend who gets a kiss on the cheek every so often or a slap on the ass. Anyway, yes things are better. On Saturday, I did go to get my tattoo done however they were booked up SO I've been booked in for this Friday at 3 to get it done. I was with Jonny's mum at the time and we went shopping too but I'll be on my own on Friday! Yes Jonny still won't go with me. However I think the reason being is that he just doesn't like tattoo parlours or something. His parents said about a job going to be a tattooists assisstant. He wouldn't even go in there to talk to someone about it so I think he just doesn't like the place. Anyway, all weekend he was really close to me, sweet and romantic like he was when we first met. And he has a new name for me, Piglet. Yea I know it sounds stupid but its better than Pig! And its cos of how I eat despite the fact he eats more than me.
I bought 9 games on Sunday. Eye Toy Play 3 [Yes Tom, Eye Toy! And it's brilliant!], Jonny and I played it and it was so much fun! Also got Larry's Leisure Suite Uncut thing, oh my god its so funny! Teddy with a Strap-on! Thats all I'm going to say on that one! Jonny got a street football game or something, its good but I just can't remember the damned name, also got Outlaw Tennis [very hard!], Devil May Cry 3 Special Edition [Oh Yes! It's not just on PS3 you greedy bastards!], Stuntman, Eye Toy Groove, another game for Eye Toy and one more game can't remember the name of.
Well at the moment, Jonny is down the pub with Chris and Zinzi, I'm slightly anxious/nervous/jealous or something, I can't put a name on this feeling but its not good either way, just because he's down the pub! I think it's cos he never goes down there if I'm with him. He won't take me down there anymore. I haven't really had the guts to ask him why yet.
I have an assessment on Thrusday! Long fucking last. It's taken my college 7 months to realise that I'd changed placements. Now i'm having my first assessment all over again. I'm supposed to finish end of May and I haven't even got anything ticked off on any of my papers! Nice!
Well, thats all for now. Take care.
[[ Dream as tho;; you'll live forever]]
[[ Live as tho;; you'll die tomorrow]]
Monday, 30 April 2007
Sunday, 22 April 2007
6 Months Pass
Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary.
I stayed over from Friday and come home yesterday night. Tom was round Friday and I asked Jonny if it would be ok for it to be just us on ou anniversary so that we could do something special. Instead, Jonny invited Tom back over. Which I don't mind, Tom is great fun but I was kinda upset with Jonny that he'd forgotten what I asked. I was gonna take him down the beach, just us two but we didn't. We still managed to spend some time together that night before I had to leave so it wasn't a complete loss.
Next saturday I will be getting my tattoo done. It's going to have "Mistress" written above it but in Dragon Script so that no one knows what it says!
Um, today I'm going down the beach with my mate Jess and her brother and sister and will be trying out my new bikini! I did wear it yesterday to sunbathe and got a slight tan which im quite disappointed about but thats cos I need to be in the sea to get a good tan!
Well this is going to be short. I don't have much to say.
I stayed over from Friday and come home yesterday night. Tom was round Friday and I asked Jonny if it would be ok for it to be just us on ou anniversary so that we could do something special. Instead, Jonny invited Tom back over. Which I don't mind, Tom is great fun but I was kinda upset with Jonny that he'd forgotten what I asked. I was gonna take him down the beach, just us two but we didn't. We still managed to spend some time together that night before I had to leave so it wasn't a complete loss.
Next saturday I will be getting my tattoo done. It's going to have "Mistress" written above it but in Dragon Script so that no one knows what it says!
Um, today I'm going down the beach with my mate Jess and her brother and sister and will be trying out my new bikini! I did wear it yesterday to sunbathe and got a slight tan which im quite disappointed about but thats cos I need to be in the sea to get a good tan!
Well this is going to be short. I don't have much to say.
Monday, 16 April 2007
Maybe;; Just Maybe
[[Did she get the right one this time?]]
Well I may be going to see a gig next month. Reel Big Fish are playing in Bournemouth and I am so desperate to go see someone before my 20th birthday that I'm willing to risk my sanity going to Bournemouth to see these people. That place is full of chavs and emos galore. You'd be lucky to find one decent person who doesn't intend on hurting you, either through leading you on or beating you up. And people wonder why I go to Southampton instead. At least there its basic beating you up, not leading you on or intending one night stands while you're drunk! And there's not so many riot police down in Southampton. Last time I went to Bournemouth, I got caught right in the middle of a riot. A bloke standing next to me, just stood there watching, got knocked down with a baton by one of the armed policemen. You can understand why I no longer go there now! Luckily when I go to see RBF, Jonny is coming with me! So I won't be alone!
I don't have much to say. Jonny is currently sat in the park with his mates. I'm, clearly, sat at the computer typing this and downloading music. There is no one decent on to talk to which sucks else I'd have something to do. Now I might actually attempt to do my coursework! Or I could draw.
Speaking of drawing! Look at what I have designed!
Well I may be going to see a gig next month. Reel Big Fish are playing in Bournemouth and I am so desperate to go see someone before my 20th birthday that I'm willing to risk my sanity going to Bournemouth to see these people. That place is full of chavs and emos galore. You'd be lucky to find one decent person who doesn't intend on hurting you, either through leading you on or beating you up. And people wonder why I go to Southampton instead. At least there its basic beating you up, not leading you on or intending one night stands while you're drunk! And there's not so many riot police down in Southampton. Last time I went to Bournemouth, I got caught right in the middle of a riot. A bloke standing next to me, just stood there watching, got knocked down with a baton by one of the armed policemen. You can understand why I no longer go there now! Luckily when I go to see RBF, Jonny is coming with me! So I won't be alone!
I don't have much to say. Jonny is currently sat in the park with his mates. I'm, clearly, sat at the computer typing this and downloading music. There is no one decent on to talk to which sucks else I'd have something to do. Now I might actually attempt to do my coursework! Or I could draw.
Speaking of drawing! Look at what I have designed!
This will be my new tattoo end of April once I get paid and find someone who will do it. It's going to go in the center of my back inbetween my shoulders. I figured tht if I had a tattoo, it had to be something I've designed seeing as it's going on my body. Seems logical does it not? I'm debating whether to put Jonny's name beside it somewhere but it'll be written in Dragon Script so no one knows what it says! Or maybe write "Mistress" Mwa ha ha haa! I will experiment!
Well I shall leave it at that. I have work I could be doing.
I AM NOT AN EMO!
I AM FED UP WITH BLOODY EMOS!!
THOSE WHO CRY FOR HELP JUST TO GET ATTENTION!!
COS WHEN SOME OF US CRY FOR HELP, WE SUDDENLY GET CALLED EMOS! PPL THINK WE'RE TRYIN TO GET ATTENTION WHEN ACTUALLY ITS A GENUINE CRY FOR HELP! BUT THOSE DAMNED FCKING EMOS HAVE RUINED THIS!!!
I TRIED TURNING TO JONNY FOR HELP AFTER MUM RIPPED SHIT OUTTA ME! AND WHAT HAPPENED?!?! I GOT NO SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER COS HE THOUGHT I WAS BEING FCKING EMO!!!!
NO I DONT BLOODY ASK FOR ATTENTION! IF I CRY FOR HELP, ITS A DAMNED CRY FOR HELP AND IM TRYIN TO LOOK FOR SOME CONFIDENCE!!
Stupid twats. Hate emos.
Anyway. Must dash to work now!
THOSE WHO CRY FOR HELP JUST TO GET ATTENTION!!
COS WHEN SOME OF US CRY FOR HELP, WE SUDDENLY GET CALLED EMOS! PPL THINK WE'RE TRYIN TO GET ATTENTION WHEN ACTUALLY ITS A GENUINE CRY FOR HELP! BUT THOSE DAMNED FCKING EMOS HAVE RUINED THIS!!!
I TRIED TURNING TO JONNY FOR HELP AFTER MUM RIPPED SHIT OUTTA ME! AND WHAT HAPPENED?!?! I GOT NO SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER COS HE THOUGHT I WAS BEING FCKING EMO!!!!
NO I DONT BLOODY ASK FOR ATTENTION! IF I CRY FOR HELP, ITS A DAMNED CRY FOR HELP AND IM TRYIN TO LOOK FOR SOME CONFIDENCE!!
Stupid twats. Hate emos.
Anyway. Must dash to work now!
Friday, 13 April 2007
Friday 13th
Mine is crap but only by being a crap finish to the week.
Started last friday when I told parents i'd be away from friday to tuesday cos i had days off work. I came back sunday for sunday roast lunch, mum thought i was gonna cook it, i said i'd do it nxt weekend, i then went bk southampton after lunch. parents got pissed off despite me tellin them on friday tht i'd be goin straight bk, dad then told me to come home monday mornin to "have words". Basically spent two hours tellin me how they think im a whore/prostitute/slut/slag/sleepin round southampton jus cos i spend one night at the wkend ROUND THE BFS! despite them knowin im still with him, havin a map of where he lives, havin his no. AND his mums, they still think it. After havin "words" i went straight bk to southampton but came home tht night, went bk tuesday afternoon. came back tuesday nite. I've now lost all respect for them and now don't even wanna talk to them, mum calls me a lodger, dad tries to have conversations with me which i jus totally ignore. Work know about what my parents said cos i was really down this mornin after mum said to me "every time i see you, you look fatter and wider" despite the fact i've been the same weight for 6 months.
6 MONTHS is how long i've been with jonny, anniversary next saturday. However he's pissed off down the cinema with Tom to watch 300 DESPITE knowing tht i really wanted to go see it and i was plannin to go see it nxt friday nite as part of our 6 month celebration, ON TOP OF THT he didn't even invite me to come see it tonite maybe cos he couldn't be bothered to wait til the 8 oclock viewing. On A GOOD NOTE I've finalised my tattoo design tht I made myself and am definitely getting it down end of the month nxt pay day.
Therein lies the tragedy.
Pissed Off doesn't quite cover it. By miles.
I'm going to go cry a flood of wasted tears. My self esteem is damn low. My self confidence is shot to pieces. And yet people wonder "how can such a lively girl feel so low". Well now you know why.
Sunday, 8 April 2007
Pain, I Hate Pain
Well, the past week has been eventful!
Last Friday, got drunk, went out, slipped on wet pavement and fell straight on my back! Tore muscles across my chest from where all the muscles in my back clenched up and ended up ripping those at the front!
Monday, fell at work. Ended up on the floor in pain after landing on my back AGAIN! Ended up going to hospital because I just could not move!
Last night, Jonny, Tom and me got drunk. Well, Tom was tipsy, I was on the border line of tipsy and nothing and Jonny was completely off his face. We went out, Jonny wanted to start on people, he ended up getting punched in the face by a taxi driver because while Jonny was crossing on a zebra crossing, he decided to swear at the taxi driver cos he's not allowed to go. The stupid taxi driver revved his engine then as he went past, Jonny hit the window. The taxi driver stopped and started on him! Jonny just took it, the only reason he was on the floor is cos he tripped on the bollard behind him. Jonny did end up throwing up that night. Me and Tom were basically looking after him as he passed out numerous times. He threw up in bed too and after that he was rather edgy with me, maybe thinking that I was disgusted by him. Which I'm not! I mean come on, I work with children here! I have to change nappies, crap in their pants if their potty training and those who are sick! Its nothing new to me. I'm not judging him by that, I still love him and I still wanna be close to him even afterwards.
Anyway, this morning was slightly awkward. My chest is in immense pain. While trying to stop Jonny and the taxi driver fighting, I got elbowed in the chest and it seems to have torn more ligaments as I now cannot even drive without being in pain. This pain also seems to be around the right side of my chest and any heavy lifting, even a can of coke or something with my right hand sends a shooting pain through into my chest. I cannot even sleep on my right shoulder due to the pain. My back isn't doing much better. I have to ask Jonny to stretch it for me every so often. And a little something I learnt yesterday is not to ask him while he's drinking. He lifted me up, my back went crack, he then dropped me and then immediately stretched me over his arm! Bending me backwards! He didn't even do it slowly and I think that added to the damage in my chest too. While sat here, there is an ache in my chest and a pain in the top of my spine. I can see this is going to need a bit more medical attention than I thought.
I'm only home for sunday lunch. Then i'm going back to Southampton til tuesday night. I have a 5 day weekend and I intend to use it well! I think mum is pleased with the fact that I looked at her work rota and made a note that Sunday was the only day she had off and was working every other day. She thought I would stay out for all 5 days but after saying I'd be home just because she was, sort of made her smile, that I do think of her!
I think that is enough of my ramblings. For the sheer fact that I need to take something for this damned pain. I'm not drinking tonight, and probably not tomoro night either. I've had enough alcohol to last me the month. Tom and Jonny thought I was drunk yesterday however I was far from it due to eating right before I started to drink. Good move I thought.
Well, pleasant screams...
Last Friday, got drunk, went out, slipped on wet pavement and fell straight on my back! Tore muscles across my chest from where all the muscles in my back clenched up and ended up ripping those at the front!
Monday, fell at work. Ended up on the floor in pain after landing on my back AGAIN! Ended up going to hospital because I just could not move!
Last night, Jonny, Tom and me got drunk. Well, Tom was tipsy, I was on the border line of tipsy and nothing and Jonny was completely off his face. We went out, Jonny wanted to start on people, he ended up getting punched in the face by a taxi driver because while Jonny was crossing on a zebra crossing, he decided to swear at the taxi driver cos he's not allowed to go. The stupid taxi driver revved his engine then as he went past, Jonny hit the window. The taxi driver stopped and started on him! Jonny just took it, the only reason he was on the floor is cos he tripped on the bollard behind him. Jonny did end up throwing up that night. Me and Tom were basically looking after him as he passed out numerous times. He threw up in bed too and after that he was rather edgy with me, maybe thinking that I was disgusted by him. Which I'm not! I mean come on, I work with children here! I have to change nappies, crap in their pants if their potty training and those who are sick! Its nothing new to me. I'm not judging him by that, I still love him and I still wanna be close to him even afterwards.
Anyway, this morning was slightly awkward. My chest is in immense pain. While trying to stop Jonny and the taxi driver fighting, I got elbowed in the chest and it seems to have torn more ligaments as I now cannot even drive without being in pain. This pain also seems to be around the right side of my chest and any heavy lifting, even a can of coke or something with my right hand sends a shooting pain through into my chest. I cannot even sleep on my right shoulder due to the pain. My back isn't doing much better. I have to ask Jonny to stretch it for me every so often. And a little something I learnt yesterday is not to ask him while he's drinking. He lifted me up, my back went crack, he then dropped me and then immediately stretched me over his arm! Bending me backwards! He didn't even do it slowly and I think that added to the damage in my chest too. While sat here, there is an ache in my chest and a pain in the top of my spine. I can see this is going to need a bit more medical attention than I thought.
I'm only home for sunday lunch. Then i'm going back to Southampton til tuesday night. I have a 5 day weekend and I intend to use it well! I think mum is pleased with the fact that I looked at her work rota and made a note that Sunday was the only day she had off and was working every other day. She thought I would stay out for all 5 days but after saying I'd be home just because she was, sort of made her smile, that I do think of her!
I think that is enough of my ramblings. For the sheer fact that I need to take something for this damned pain. I'm not drinking tonight, and probably not tomoro night either. I've had enough alcohol to last me the month. Tom and Jonny thought I was drunk yesterday however I was far from it due to eating right before I started to drink. Good move I thought.
Well, pleasant screams...
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