Once again, I find myself in a predicament.
Gone are the days where you were free to say what you felt was necessary, thus your opinion and views on your surroundings.
But in todays state of conflict, this is impossible and therefor you are not allowed an opinion. Because no matter whether you say it just to encourage a reaction or whether you say it because it's genuinely how you feel, someone is going to tell you that it's wrong.
Goodbye freedom of speech and thought.
Not everyone is going to agree with what I have to say and this is what makes life just that little bit more intriuging and interesting is the conflict of interests. But there's a line that's crossed when tolerance is no longer deemed necessary in society and you are just told that you're wrong, end of story.
Take for instance, the unfortune case of Jade Goody. I myself, feel that yes she was unlucky to suffer such a fate at such an age. However, her previous extortions have led me to have little faith in humanity. But that is not what gets me so annoyed. What gets me agitated is the fact that even after the poor girl has passed, the press and media still find it suitable to exploit her death. My views on this are that they should let it rest already and let her find peace that she had lost ever since appearing on that fatal and humiliating reality show. I don't appreciate what she has exploited in this country but I'll give her credit for raising awareness more than any other celebrity in that Hollywood Whore Boulevard has ever done.
Some people will agree where as others will retaliate harshly saying she was a Saint the whole way through. Despite there being solid evidence that at some points, she was deemed far less than a role model of any sort.
Backing away from this, it is merely a prime example of the real limitations on our thoughts. Maybe it is in fear that someone may just be able to see past this whole facade and see a truer evil dawning.
Even in school, they try to teach you the "right way to think" and how to see things. This I find so hypocritical that it cannot be followed by even the most obedient of students. I look through the year book and think, "wow, such a twat" and then find that I'm looking at myself. Thus is the part of growing up.
...
Why is it you get one parent telling you to do one thing. Then the other parent tells you to do something else which completely contradicts the first order you were given.
All a load of fucking bollocks if you ask me.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Most Haunted Styleee!!
Last night after work, me, Harry, Sam and Nathan decided to head out to Boldre Church. It was near 1 in the morning and on top of that the clocks went back that night so got an extra hour!
Anyway!! I'm not going to go into details cos I'm supposed to be getting ready for work. But my god it wasn't half fun!! Got frightened the life out of, ended up doing some criminal investigation too. I certainly won't be going back so nieve as I was last time!! I have a few theories as to how things happened cos soem crazy shit went down!! But I would still like to go back there at some point. I even got all the screaming and discussions on video! But I think it's just humurous to listen to rather than anything else.
ANYWAY!!! Top of the morning to ye! I need to get ready for work!!
Anyway!! I'm not going to go into details cos I'm supposed to be getting ready for work. But my god it wasn't half fun!! Got frightened the life out of, ended up doing some criminal investigation too. I certainly won't be going back so nieve as I was last time!! I have a few theories as to how things happened cos soem crazy shit went down!! But I would still like to go back there at some point. I even got all the screaming and discussions on video! But I think it's just humurous to listen to rather than anything else.
ANYWAY!!! Top of the morning to ye! I need to get ready for work!!
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Sometimes I Just Can't Be Fucked With It
This morning is not a good morning.
Last night was not a a good night.
Yesterday. Lets start there shall we.
I basically worked a 12 hour shift. Had an hour break. It was rather quiet during the day. Sarah and I made use of the time, dusting, polishing, cleaning. My boss was at football and the landlord was in the office. We did well that day. But then, my boss came back. No sooner had he come out on the bar, he gave us jobs to do. Yep, ok we'll do them. Myself and Sam were working our arses off all through the night! And yet somehow during the night, my boss managed to find time to stand there and watch the band and chat to people, the landlord was drinking his own bloody stock of ale while Sam and I were holding the damn bar down ourselves!! The band were shit because their lead singer was pissed up and could more than likely have been wheeled out in a wheelbarrow quite happily but it didn't help that his daughter, yes his daughter, was giving him double shots of vodka WHILE HE'S ON STAGE!!!! I can tell you now that our pub lost some respect through that band.
Anyway, you may be somewhat confused as to why I'm so fucked off about my boss and landlord loitering and drinking behind the bar. Well, our landlord had a go at Sam for pouring some cola for herself. YET HE'S DRINKING THE FUCKING ALE!!! I don't give a shit if he's the fucking landlord!! If we can't even drink a softdrink behind the bar, he shouldn't be fucking drinking the ale should he!!!
And then my boss, he's got some motto of his that he believes in and uses for the business. Can't remember what it is exactly but it basically means that if you look busy, then it will be busy. Plus it makes time go by quicker. Anyway, I also have my own motto. Now, read closely into this:
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
ELSE DONT PREACH IT AT ALL
you fuck.
Argh!!! Thats what gets me the most!!! He tells us to keep busy and whatnot then when it is busy and there's LOTS he can do, he fucking stands there and watches that fucking band!!!! Yes you're allowed to watch the band your hiring for a short period of time but you've got a fucking job to do to help us out!! If not, then get over the other side of the bar and GET OUT OF OUR WAY SO WE CAN DO OUR FUCKING JOB!!!
And while I'm on a rant-of-a-whale (not time, a fucking whale cos its that fucking big) my boss keeps telling me that I'll be manager soon. Or whatever time. And I'm starting to realise that he's all talk and not much else. At first it was, when I start the NVQ, then it was, at the end of summer, now it's, when I finish the NVQ. FOR FUCK SAKE!!!! Why not just say, sometime next year. Christ I didn't expect it all straight away, its my first bar job, I aint gonna be amazing the first time round. Argh!!
You know what, fuck you. I'm going to do this bar tender course, so I can move on to the cocktails and the flair courses and advance myself. Yea I know I probably won't use it work. But I don't care. It's something I WANT to do. Not for you. For ME!! And what if I move abroad or something, I'll be able to find a job in a flash because I'll have the qualifications!!
So you're frightened that I'll leave and go somewhere else. Well I am. At some point in the future. May not be for another year but I aint fucking staying there for 7 years or something!! What if I move? That place is going to be unaccessible to me. Or if I get offered something better? Then it's only common sense that I take the opportunity to get better, improve and get better pay!
OH AND I DONT APPRECIATE HAVING 3 HOURS MISSING FROM MY PAY!!
Fucking cheap bastards.
And I don't care if you hate me after this. If you can't take the truth about how we feel then you shouldn't fucking read it in the first place.
Last night was not a a good night.
Yesterday. Lets start there shall we.
I basically worked a 12 hour shift. Had an hour break. It was rather quiet during the day. Sarah and I made use of the time, dusting, polishing, cleaning. My boss was at football and the landlord was in the office. We did well that day. But then, my boss came back. No sooner had he come out on the bar, he gave us jobs to do. Yep, ok we'll do them. Myself and Sam were working our arses off all through the night! And yet somehow during the night, my boss managed to find time to stand there and watch the band and chat to people, the landlord was drinking his own bloody stock of ale while Sam and I were holding the damn bar down ourselves!! The band were shit because their lead singer was pissed up and could more than likely have been wheeled out in a wheelbarrow quite happily but it didn't help that his daughter, yes his daughter, was giving him double shots of vodka WHILE HE'S ON STAGE!!!! I can tell you now that our pub lost some respect through that band.
Anyway, you may be somewhat confused as to why I'm so fucked off about my boss and landlord loitering and drinking behind the bar. Well, our landlord had a go at Sam for pouring some cola for herself. YET HE'S DRINKING THE FUCKING ALE!!! I don't give a shit if he's the fucking landlord!! If we can't even drink a softdrink behind the bar, he shouldn't be fucking drinking the ale should he!!!
And then my boss, he's got some motto of his that he believes in and uses for the business. Can't remember what it is exactly but it basically means that if you look busy, then it will be busy. Plus it makes time go by quicker. Anyway, I also have my own motto. Now, read closely into this:
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
ELSE DONT PREACH IT AT ALL
you fuck.
Argh!!! Thats what gets me the most!!! He tells us to keep busy and whatnot then when it is busy and there's LOTS he can do, he fucking stands there and watches that fucking band!!!! Yes you're allowed to watch the band your hiring for a short period of time but you've got a fucking job to do to help us out!! If not, then get over the other side of the bar and GET OUT OF OUR WAY SO WE CAN DO OUR FUCKING JOB!!!
And while I'm on a rant-of-a-whale (not time, a fucking whale cos its that fucking big) my boss keeps telling me that I'll be manager soon. Or whatever time. And I'm starting to realise that he's all talk and not much else. At first it was, when I start the NVQ, then it was, at the end of summer, now it's, when I finish the NVQ. FOR FUCK SAKE!!!! Why not just say, sometime next year. Christ I didn't expect it all straight away, its my first bar job, I aint gonna be amazing the first time round. Argh!!
You know what, fuck you. I'm going to do this bar tender course, so I can move on to the cocktails and the flair courses and advance myself. Yea I know I probably won't use it work. But I don't care. It's something I WANT to do. Not for you. For ME!! And what if I move abroad or something, I'll be able to find a job in a flash because I'll have the qualifications!!
So you're frightened that I'll leave and go somewhere else. Well I am. At some point in the future. May not be for another year but I aint fucking staying there for 7 years or something!! What if I move? That place is going to be unaccessible to me. Or if I get offered something better? Then it's only common sense that I take the opportunity to get better, improve and get better pay!
OH AND I DONT APPRECIATE HAVING 3 HOURS MISSING FROM MY PAY!!
Fucking cheap bastards.
And I don't care if you hate me after this. If you can't take the truth about how we feel then you shouldn't fucking read it in the first place.
Friday, 3 October 2008
You Shouldn't Care If It Hurts Me, You Do What You Want To Do
So I've been let down. By quite a few people. And yes it upsets me, not so much as to cry but it just annoys me. I don't know why I should know everything, yet when something doesn't go according to plan, its like my whole world has been flipped upside down and I am unsure of how to react to it. Despite the fact that I in myself am not the most predictable of people.
My birthday, my 21st, I have no idea how thats going to turn out. I am getting such mixed responses from people. Seems that everyone is indulged with Uni or something. But isn't my birthday during the easter hols? Well all I know is that it's different for each place so god knows.
Take for instance one friend gave me an idea of what to do and was really excited about it. Turns out that now she's going on a trip with uni. I feel let down. But hold on. She's doing something that she enjoys, its her way of life what she's doing, I'm not going to stop her doing something that could very well turn out to be a once in a life time opportunity or could very well hold something that may change her life. Why should I hold her back? It's not my right to and I support her to go for it even if it means missing what she planned. I want her to do it, to take every opportunity that comes her way. And yet despite my positive attitude for her decision, I still feel upset that she's doing it. I accept what she's doing and I support it, but I just don't know how to deal with this feeling that there's something better to do.
All this dieting is putting stress on me, only a little, but its sending my mood swings all over the place. I nearly had a go at Rob for going to see Queen in November. WTF?! I shouldn't be having a go at him for something he wants to do and probably paid for long before meeting me! Obvious I didn't txt back, save me having to wrack my brain for something to say without sounding bitchy. Instead I just wait til I'm in a better mood before I txt him again. And at this rate, it could be a while. Past couple of days I've been really "clingy?" without even seeing him!! Well, ok more like, sending him msgs about how much he means to me and stuff. He rarely sends anything back that says the same and yet I still do it. Maybe hoping that he will. I don't know. And I hate that fact that when I'm walking round the bar, one of the posters that I made with a picture of him, stares at me as I walk past and soon I'm going to rip it down!! At the moment, I tend to wipe my mind of him when I'm working and if he does pop into my mind, I quickly change to the dragons. Now there's a whole load of endless questions for me to think about with them!
Right now I am unsure how Rob and I will turn out. Maybe its just my mood swing at the moment, who knows, but with my work slowly quietening down with the seasons, and his going steadily up constantly, how will we be able to make time for each other? I don't do well if I know I wont see him again for a long time. And I do even worse if I don't even know when I'll see him again. But once again, the good side of me will support him in every decision he makes, in his increase of work, his increase of popularity, his increase in being known amongst musicians. And even in the fear that I may be left behind, I still encourage him to go further. And this is how I've ended up in such fragile states so many times, I've put everyone else in front, told everyone else to do what they want to do disregarding whatever happens to me and often is the case, that I crash and fall without them. But I don't think about what happens to me, I don't think about that til its too late! But I don't want to hold people back on the account of me. But then I don't want to go futher if people didn't want me to.
I don't know why I'm so messed up. But then if everything was how it should be, there'd be no reason to live. If every day was the same, you would lose the will to even carry on. Without the drama, no matter how big or small, it makes each day different. If I wasn't spontaneous, I'd die boring. And thats no way to go.
My birthday, my 21st, I have no idea how thats going to turn out. I am getting such mixed responses from people. Seems that everyone is indulged with Uni or something. But isn't my birthday during the easter hols? Well all I know is that it's different for each place so god knows.
Take for instance one friend gave me an idea of what to do and was really excited about it. Turns out that now she's going on a trip with uni. I feel let down. But hold on. She's doing something that she enjoys, its her way of life what she's doing, I'm not going to stop her doing something that could very well turn out to be a once in a life time opportunity or could very well hold something that may change her life. Why should I hold her back? It's not my right to and I support her to go for it even if it means missing what she planned. I want her to do it, to take every opportunity that comes her way. And yet despite my positive attitude for her decision, I still feel upset that she's doing it. I accept what she's doing and I support it, but I just don't know how to deal with this feeling that there's something better to do.
All this dieting is putting stress on me, only a little, but its sending my mood swings all over the place. I nearly had a go at Rob for going to see Queen in November. WTF?! I shouldn't be having a go at him for something he wants to do and probably paid for long before meeting me! Obvious I didn't txt back, save me having to wrack my brain for something to say without sounding bitchy. Instead I just wait til I'm in a better mood before I txt him again. And at this rate, it could be a while. Past couple of days I've been really "clingy?" without even seeing him!! Well, ok more like, sending him msgs about how much he means to me and stuff. He rarely sends anything back that says the same and yet I still do it. Maybe hoping that he will. I don't know. And I hate that fact that when I'm walking round the bar, one of the posters that I made with a picture of him, stares at me as I walk past and soon I'm going to rip it down!! At the moment, I tend to wipe my mind of him when I'm working and if he does pop into my mind, I quickly change to the dragons. Now there's a whole load of endless questions for me to think about with them!
Right now I am unsure how Rob and I will turn out. Maybe its just my mood swing at the moment, who knows, but with my work slowly quietening down with the seasons, and his going steadily up constantly, how will we be able to make time for each other? I don't do well if I know I wont see him again for a long time. And I do even worse if I don't even know when I'll see him again. But once again, the good side of me will support him in every decision he makes, in his increase of work, his increase of popularity, his increase in being known amongst musicians. And even in the fear that I may be left behind, I still encourage him to go further. And this is how I've ended up in such fragile states so many times, I've put everyone else in front, told everyone else to do what they want to do disregarding whatever happens to me and often is the case, that I crash and fall without them. But I don't think about what happens to me, I don't think about that til its too late! But I don't want to hold people back on the account of me. But then I don't want to go futher if people didn't want me to.
I don't know why I'm so messed up. But then if everything was how it should be, there'd be no reason to live. If every day was the same, you would lose the will to even carry on. Without the drama, no matter how big or small, it makes each day different. If I wasn't spontaneous, I'd die boring. And thats no way to go.
Saturday, 27 September 2008
Welcome Back My Gothic Twin
By the way, before I go on my ramblings, I'd just like to say that I wasn't wrong about that girl, she is an ignorant fucking cow and I hope she kills herself by OD on anti depressants! Just to be ironic!
Anyway
A little note also to RACHEL GRAY cos I know you fucking read this you stupid cunt -
Would you please. . . JUST FUCK OFF!!!
You think I'm the back stabber and liar?? YOU were the one who fucking lied to her parents, YOU were the one backstabbing Jess to ME!!! YOU think yo'uve got people wrapped around your little finger trying to push me out and get one in on me, but oh no!! It's all back fired and no one wants you around anymore! Why? COS I DONT FUCK WITH PPLS HEADS JUST TO GET WHAT I WANT YOU FUCKING STUPID TWAT!!! HOW FUCKING DUMB CAN YOU GET?!?!?
Don't answer that.
Onto other news. I'm back into Cradle of Filth. They are my fighting music and I can't escape it. Pendulum has worn out its welcome. I can feel myself drifting back into that gothic side of me that wants everything black and deadly. I welcome it with open arms as halloween is just around the corner.
Also I seem to notice that with the seasons, i.e winter, I become more dark in my fashion and sooner or later just completely Goth. And then I lighten up for summer! HA!
Anyway I must get ready for work.
The Plague: Get It. Feed It. Spread It. Bitches.
Anyway
A little note also to RACHEL GRAY cos I know you fucking read this you stupid cunt -
Would you please. . . JUST FUCK OFF!!!
You think I'm the back stabber and liar?? YOU were the one who fucking lied to her parents, YOU were the one backstabbing Jess to ME!!! YOU think yo'uve got people wrapped around your little finger trying to push me out and get one in on me, but oh no!! It's all back fired and no one wants you around anymore! Why? COS I DONT FUCK WITH PPLS HEADS JUST TO GET WHAT I WANT YOU FUCKING STUPID TWAT!!! HOW FUCKING DUMB CAN YOU GET?!?!?
Don't answer that.
Onto other news. I'm back into Cradle of Filth. They are my fighting music and I can't escape it. Pendulum has worn out its welcome. I can feel myself drifting back into that gothic side of me that wants everything black and deadly. I welcome it with open arms as halloween is just around the corner.
Also I seem to notice that with the seasons, i.e winter, I become more dark in my fashion and sooner or later just completely Goth. And then I lighten up for summer! HA!
Anyway I must get ready for work.
The Plague: Get It. Feed It. Spread It. Bitches.
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Back From The Holidays!!
Cyprus was amazing! Spent every day down the beach or at least some part of it, mainly in the afternoon. I went diving twice which was brilliant and I really want to take up the course and do it properly!! We went exploring every night to various bars, the Square Bar being our favourite because the bar man was super cool and gave us free drinks, plus Matt "Elvis" Craig was really funny and probably the most likeable welsh man ever (lol!). We ate out for 4 nights and ate in the other 2, the sun was boiling hot but made the beach even nicer! I went snorkelling every day and twice I saw an octopus! I had to wrestle one to get the shell that I brought home! I saw this big shell and then saw two eyes next to it watching me! As I dived down to get it, he put a tentacle around it and wouldn't let go, I ended dragging him out of his little cave, I couldn't stop as I was floating back up without trying and so the octopus admitted defeat and let go. Greedy buggar, what more could he want with it, he'd already emptied it! Fed the fish with bread and they would follow me for half hour afterwards round the reef just incase I dropped anymore. Picked up numerous starfish which no one else seemed to spot :s I wasn't the only one snorkelling and yet as I swam behind a few, I spotted starfish lightly camoflaged and dived down to pick them up. Cute little creatures. I didnt feel too great when seeing them in the souvenirs shop, dried and coloured and sealed in bags with herbs. They looked so much prettier alive.
Can't wait to go home tomorrow, see the parents and my dragons. And then I'm going for dinner with my best mate Jess, don't really know where we're going yet cos neither of us know what we fancy! Aha! Frankies in castly point looks to be the destination.
Anyway!! Can't stay long, have much to catch up on! ^^
Can't wait to go home tomorrow, see the parents and my dragons. And then I'm going for dinner with my best mate Jess, don't really know where we're going yet cos neither of us know what we fancy! Aha! Frankies in castly point looks to be the destination.
Anyway!! Can't stay long, have much to catch up on! ^^
Saturday, 6 September 2008
God Dammit
Okay so last time I was a little hasty to judge. Turns out she was given those days off anyway. Argh, blind to the obvious again >< for which I apologise for. What can I say, I was in a bad mood. Ah well, hopefully maybe at some point I'll be able to see for myself. But I still stand by what I said that some people just don't have a good enough reason to be on them happy pills.
I don't know, we'll see.
3 DAYS TIL I GO ON HOLIDAY!!
FUCKING YES!!! I can't fucking wait!! Haven't been on holiday in ages and to be going with Rob, ah it's like a dream coming true!! Seriously, I'd only been with him a couple of months when he asked if I'd go! Last time it was a year before we went away together! And then it was shite cos he didn't wanna go anywhere!! So this time, it will be perfect!! I can't fucking wait!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know, we'll see.
3 DAYS TIL I GO ON HOLIDAY!!
FUCKING YES!!! I can't fucking wait!! Haven't been on holiday in ages and to be going with Rob, ah it's like a dream coming true!! Seriously, I'd only been with him a couple of months when he asked if I'd go! Last time it was a year before we went away together! And then it was shite cos he didn't wanna go anywhere!! So this time, it will be perfect!! I can't fucking wait!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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